I can be pretty hard on myself as far as expectations and standards of who and where I should be; especially, now that I am sober. I think I have a lot of residual guilt and remorse over all of the time I wasted drinking; all the opportunities I missed because getting drunk was so important; and all of the limitations I imposed on myself through my alcoholism. Sometimes I find that I am in a funk over not achieving goals I think I should have reached by now, not just in sobriety, but life in general- I'm middle-aged, single, no kids, no awe inspiring career, no college degree- I tend to get wrapped up in thinking about all of the things I haven't done and then I admonish myself for being a failure.
I was relating this to a friend in the program and she ticked off a decent amount of things that I have accomplished; things I have welcomed into my life since committing to sobriety; and opportunities that I am creating just by being sober. I found that it was difficult for me to listen and accept all of the compliments she was giving me- like she was handing me little presents all wrapped up and pretty, each containing a small piece of me tucked inside like a precious gem. I thought myself undeserving of such gifts and I shied away from her praise.
Why do I do that?
Why is it easier for me to accept the bad parts, the flaws and the defects than it is for me to acknowledge all of the good stuff, my assets and abilities and accomplishments?
